I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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