Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
