New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
