I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
