i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize