That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
