I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
