yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
