New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
