do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
