i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
