we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
