Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so let's talk penis.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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