o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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