I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
