We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
