based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
