Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
