R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
