According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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