Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
