Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
