I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
