So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
