sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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