Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
