The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
