I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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