My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
