new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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