1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
