is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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