was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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