I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
