He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
