i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
