he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
