I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize