Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
