i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
