is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
