i think my mom watched the whole time
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
