My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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