Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have tasted many bathrooms
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
