The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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