She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
