I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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