at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
