Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
