that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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