I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
