Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
