The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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