pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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