this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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