I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
