Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
