Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you win again, gameday.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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