Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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