Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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