you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
