i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
