Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize