Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
